An update via: A letter from me to a colleague in Music Therapy

An update from my life- I was offered the 20 hrs. at WHC, but really couldn't afford to make the switch. As much as I would love to- hubs works in a non-profit which is really "non-income". Same basically goes for me, but it's a little better then his anyway. We are pretty fruggle people already so there wasn't really any room to cut back, unless we moved, but it would cost us nearly 2000 just to get out of our current house, then whatever down on a new house (which is at least 15%) these days. We didn't really want to raise E at RPDr apartments- so, at least for now, I have accepted that I like my job. It's better then having our main source of income (mine) from 2 (or more) programs that have no gaurentees, or working at Wal-mart (and my month working at Target proves I do not have the mental stamina to survive the Holidays in retail)... They did offer the position at WHC again at 32 hours, but I still couldn't make it work. I really thought it would be great to get back into the thick of things in Music Therapy, especially working with you and M. But I realize, my job will never be perfect, and at least where I am at, I have a bit more flexibility to be home when I need to, stability, more income (only because it is 40 hrs vs. 32) and have more benefits that have built up from being there for 2+ years. I also look at the most important things in life and realize my job is not my life. There are much more important things. And those people and aspects of my life beneift most if I stay put for now.

I apologize to you. I really did want to get back into everything. I hope you are not disappointed in me.

As much as I really love Music Therapy. I could not make a choice to get back into it when I knew it would be mostly selfish and would not benefit my family as much as my current position.

~me

just a quick thought...

It amazes me how people who are in positions of leadership like to throw their weight around. Give them the smallest 'issue' and they will find a way to manipulate the situation so that it's a big ball of mixed up mess. Then they 'fix' things and try to look like the Heroine... Of course if things go wrong- they act like they had nothing to do with it. This particular mess developed when I was gone from work on Wednesday. Since I am the 'new kid on the block' I felt like a tiny kid in an elevator full of big butt people trying to squish me in their direction. All the while saying "you can do whatever you want, I support you"... only for me to find out that really means "do it my way, or I throw you off the bus!" ... hmmm.... buses again. I have a friend and past co-worker who will see my concern with bus senarios... why do some people insist on getting people on their 'bus' when it's destination sign clearly reads "One Way- to Hell (in a Handbasket)" ?

"OOORrrreeeeOOOO OctoooBer"

Ha! :)
Check out Hoops and YoYo website
http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article|10001|10051|/HallmarkSite/hoops_yoyohome/HOOPS_YOYO_HOME_PAGE?landingPage=hoopsandyoyo&hostName=www.hoopsandyoyo.com

sorting through thoughts

Do you think we truly always see "the grass that's greener on the other side"?
I thought I had the job thing settled- then I spoke to a local colleague who suggested that I supplement with PT work either at my current job site doing music therapy or contract/private practice music therapy...
I am sincerely concerned that I will have these opportunities to change jobs every 2-3 years and never feel quite settled... Everyone can easily point out and see the positive in a job that you are considering. However, at the same time, you see the negative in your own job and that just makes it all that much more confusing...
I could do a pros vs cons list- The thing is: It's not as easy as the number of items, it's the weight of the items that matter.
The harsh reality?? - I am wired to try to be perfect. I will always see what I am doing wrong and what I could be doing better. I get excited about change because I can't see the challenges that await. Maybe, upon realizing my 'wiring', I need to work at prioritizing each and every day. I need to have faith that these things will work out......

Work 20 hrs/week AND get benefits!!!

There is a position for a music therapist at the hospital in town- I could work 20 hrs/week (thus, staying home with Baby E for that extra 20/wk) and still have benefits/insurance for the family... Problem???? How does a couple (who are already very thrifty) live with 30% less income? (even included the daycare differential...)
Yah- it sounded great, but I'm beginning to see that I am yet another example of a victim of the "Golden Handcuffs"...
It's still sad- the only way I could stay home with our baby would be for us to live on rice (donated to us) and my husband would probably have to get a job that he hated.... Sometimes I think it's very tough being a grown up and looking at the whole picture.
In the long run, I think we will all be happier in our current scenario: I like my job (which is somewhat flexible/family friendly), my husband likes his job (which is pretty flexible/family friendly), baby E only has to go to daycare for 6 hrs/day (also flexible/family friendly - as we only pay for the time she is there), our house/job/daycare are all in the same town, we don't have to live on rice...
On the bright side- I did not stress about this for several weeks only to find out it wouldn't work. I pulled out my computer savy skills, crunched some numbers, even considered government programs, and found out that our reality really isn't that bad... Let's face it folks- Nothing is perfect... and we really are truly blessed.

"You don't go to work to make friends"

My darn supervisor was obviously upset that I called in today. She doesn't have kids and is pretty self-centered... I realize it is her responsibility to make sure things are covered when people are gone so she would be disappointed that I am gone today. However, I work from home and don't get paid or credit for it. I am going in tonight to make up time. And through all of our recent trials, my husband has worked his butt off so that I could be at my job- so I haven't really missed any time other then while we were in the hospital! I would also like to note that I would never choose to have the struggles we have had... for that matter, I wouldn't wish them on anyone. So, the fact I can still make myself go to work - I think I am doing a great job. At the doc. today he asked how things are going... I pasted on my happy face and told him that I love my job (which I generally do)... I don't think he really believed it because he encouraged me to call if I ever have any concerns (I mentioned anxiety) - "do not hesitate, call me, diet and exercise help, but as with a diabetic, sometimes, no matter how hard you work, you can't just whip yourself into shape." He's a great doctor.

poor sick baby :(

I am home with a sick baby today, she is finally sleeping soundly, I did some cleaning and now I am taking a little break. She has had a lovely runny nose all week (pretty yellow and green too) and she hasn't been sleeping well. Waking up at 3 or 4 each morning this week, which is very out of the ordinary. Last night I noticed that when she wasn't eating (which has also decreased) she was crying like she is in pain... very sad. She hasn't been her smiley self. Today her temp was 100.6 so we stayed home and went to the doc. he said this is "Normal" we just need to help her feel better with Tylenol and watch for any persistence of a high temp or increase of other symptoms. Her temp did go down a bit (before Tylenol) and I am hoping a long nap will help her feel a little better. poor sick baby :(