Supper Prayer

"Come Lord Jesus, be our guest. You're the big 'Cahuana'- I love this Tuna!" (Tuna melt sandwiches. Prayer by hubsy bos)

Epiphany

(I wrote this on 8/23- wanted to enter some of the events leading to this and then enter this. I have since been talking with my mom and, day by day, we are all healing...)
Instead of calling this a breakdown, meltdown, etc. I shall refer to it as an Epiphany. (Sometimes looking at things from a new perspective can make a world of difference. It also helps to try to not be so negative toward myself and these life occurrences.)
I had a realization today that lead to me crying in the shower. I thought about our shower head and lack of water due to built up lime. I remembered talking to my mom about this and how she had suggested using vinegar. She made this suggestion while we were shopping in Wal-Mart (nearly 2 weeks ago) I remembered shopping in Target and all of the other fun things we had done during that time she was here (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and 1/2 of Wednesday) Including these trips and her cooking and her taking pictures of her fun times with Baby. Then I remembered Wednesday afternoon and was upset that our world has changed so dramatically in a very short amount of time. It doesn't seem fair that unfortunate things happen to good people. I called my mom and spoke to her to once again remind her that I love her and we all love her and I hope that she can come and spend some time again soon.

To My Fans

Thanks for the Comments and Encouragement!! Sorry I haven't been in touch, I apparently do not have my settings properly set-up... I thought, "hmmm, I wonder if I have any comments" What a great surprise to see that I do!! Thank you so much :)

Tests, Scans, DHS and police (part 2)

In the night a doctor came to our room and told us that we would most likely go home the next day by noon, but they would do another scan in the morning. The next day they did another CT scan and we asked about the skeletal scan we were told in the emergency room that they were required to do. No one knew much about that (and all day we kept reminding people that we were told this scan was protocol.) They ended up doing these scans, but apparently "the real expert" was not involved. Every time someone had come to our room with a white lab coat, we figured they knew what they were talking about. Turns out "the real expert" was on medical leave and did not return until day 6 of our stay at the hospital. In the mean time, They did more scans and tests and at one point thought she had 3 skull fractures and 1 leg fracture. (it ended up that those were misread scans- horrible experience in itself. And she has 2 skull fractures one from ear to top on left side and one from ear almost to top on right side.) DHS got involved and brought a cop to interrogate us 1:1 for suspected child abuse. The cop was not nice to me at all (he thought I would say that I didn't believe my mom and that she had been abusive.) I did not doubt my mom and have not been upset with her- I guess that's weird, but my best analogy is that it's almost like a tornado- a horrible event that could have happened to any one of us at any given time that we were not able to control. At any rate, we were in the hospital for 6 days trying to get answers and finally the "real specialist" returned from being on medical leave, declared that Baby was fine and we were innocent and we were released. It really was horrible. There were a couple of good things- #1 Baby is doing well (I guess this happens more often then people think) she is happy and healthy. #2 my husband, my mom, my dad, his mom, his dad and his sister and I were all in the hospital together during this time and we really grew closer. I think it was really good for my mom because she was (and still is) tearing herself apart and thought we should all hate her forever, but none of us do so that was amazing and a true blessing. Baby then spent the rest of week 11 at our house with my mother-in-law. This week we were supposed to take her to day care, but they (and frankly, I) did not feel comfortable taking her just yet and we will meet to reevaluate in another week. So my husband and I are a working opposite hours to be home with her.
That's really been my life lately... but again, nothing could be better then the fact that she is Happy, Healthy and Home.

The Fall (part 1)

My mom and our Baby had an unfortunate occurrence. My mom was working in our kitchen (while she was here with Baby for a week) and went to move her from the counter where she was sitting in a chair. She lost grip of the chair and Baby fell to the floor. I was phoned at work (out of a meeting- so I knew it was not good) my mom said "Don't panic, but come to the hospital- Baby is ok. I'm sorry) so I don't do "don't panic" and luckily one of my co-workers was right there. She rushed me over the hospital.  While at the emergency room the swelling of her head continued. The doctor decided to do a CT scan and found a fracture. They decided to fly her to a specialty hospital where they had Pediatric Neurosurgery. Before she could go she had to have an IV. They tried 7 or 8 times before it finally worked. Initially I went to the other room, but in the end I could no longer listen to her painful cries. I am a music therapist. There is a lot of research that shows how music therapy can help soothe babies and lower blood pressure. I stroked her little head and sang to her. She did calm down and they were finally able to get the IV in. It was horrible to watch the helicopter leave (they don't have any room for parents) and then to drive down. When she arrived there they continued to monitor for any changes, looked at the initial CT scan and decided to continue to monitor through the night and rescan in the morning. My mom, dad, mother in-law, father in-law and sister in-law all came to the hospital and ended up staying in a lounge that night. My mom was certain everyone would hate her- to her surprise none of us hated her and still do not. I think everyone has said and realizes that it could have happened to any of us.

Future

"Do not fear the future, for it doesn't exist and it never shall"

Supper Prayers

You may have heard "God is great, God is good and we thank Him for our food" or "Come Lord Jesus be our guest, let these gifts to us be blessed"
Some families also do the songs "Johnny Appleseed", etc.
Some families say their own prayers.
My husband's family used some of the standard prayers and my family said our own prayers. Therefore, neither one of us have ever felt fully comfortable with the other's tradition.
In an attempt to make prayers at supper time original, but without pressure. My husband randomly started making up his own (typically centered around the meal)
Tonight I made up the prayer:
"Come Lord Jesus, join us now. Bless our family and bless this Cow" (we had french dip sandwiches) :D

"Big Red Chair"

This chair has been around for at least 15 years. It has brought much joy to many. Currently our little girl (11 weeks old) loves to sit in this chair. She has been enjoying this set up for at least 1/2 of her life. Once in The Big Red Chair she will stop crying immediately and loves to oversee the assembly of her meals.
We all need a space that makes the world seem like a better place.

A little backround

I wanted to start a blog during my pregnancy to track things that I would most likely forget. I kept a written journal, but never really got the blog going. Now I want to get this going as an outlet. I have depression. I take medication and do well most of the time. Recently, I became overwhelmed by many life situations and realized that I need to do a few more things to help manage my thoughts and overall well being or I tend to have a lot of problems. I am hoping this blog will help me work through a few things and serve as an ongoing record of the things I have accomplished rather then believing that I am drowning in the sea of unhappiness.

Two old ladies laughing in the pouring rain

We went on an outing yesterday. All of the sudden the clouds rolled in and before we could get back on the bus the sky opened up and in less then a minute we were drenched. These two ladies had just gotten their hair done that morning and you would expect them to be irate, but nope- they just laughed and laughed, looked at themselves and each other and laughed some more.