I should be eating supper while Baby sleeps instead of thought-processing, but this seems more important.
I had to take a Resident to get labs and x-rays at the hospital in town today. (I have decided that I am adding badges to my badge that specify my various roles- including, but not limited to "Reserve Transportation Specialist") This trip lead me to hyperventilation (when I returned to the vehicle alone.) The lab and xray are basically part of the emergency room and it brought back everything from our recent visit. I tried to work through this and am blessed that I have a mother-in-law that is a social worker who just happened to be able to answer my call. In the end, I do not believe that it is right or fair or even comprehendable that I will most likely have to send our Baby to a day care center instead of being home with her- what's more, I will mostly like have to see a doc and take meds in order to carry on with working. Again, I must reitterate that I really like my job... I would just rather be at home. Plus, the recent hospital events have not lead me to be very confident that leaving her is the right choice.
Thank you to my sister-in-law for helping me see some of the good- It made my day that my baby keeps trying to buzz her lips at me and her daddy. We think she believes this is an essential form of communication and she tries very very hard to do it... still makes me giggle. :D
I hear her waking up... tortilla chips for supper are good enough right?
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ReplyDeleteYour reaction is totally normal! I have had these bad "reactions" shortly after my very first panic attack...every time before I travelled, because that frightening experience happened on a trip FAR AWAY from HOME. It's a trigger & your body responds to it in very uncomfortable ways due to past trauma. I have since been able to pinpoint other triggers to anxiety & panic, so that when I feel it approaching I can tell myself, "I GOT THROUGH THIS BEFORE, I CAN GET THROUGH IT AGAIN...THIS HORRIBLE FEELING DOESN'T LAST FOREVER..." It will take time; be patient...& please don't be afraid to add an anti-anxiety medication...mixed with an anti-depressant has done wonders for me.
ReplyDeleteGLAD Mom was available to answer your call. :)
I enjoyed hearing what made your day...SO CUTE & WISH I could see! Always remember it's the BEAUTIFUL SIMPLE things in life that outweigh the hardships & appreciate what's YET TO COME...
Love you guys!
We've been working on the lip buzzing throughout the wee, - just for Mommy!!! Keep hold of the simple joys :)
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